Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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