Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
