so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
a search helicopter?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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