No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
