If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
