I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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