you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
