Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He passed out mid-signature
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think your dad took our porno
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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