Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
