Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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