Your dad touched me again.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
