I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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