all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
