just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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