that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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