So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
