You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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