C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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