oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
