I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
