So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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