i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
