I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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