Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
