When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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