I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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