2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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