She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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