His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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