I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
