Grow some girl-balls and come out already
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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