My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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