I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
