i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
