so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
