Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could make wine with my vomit
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
