I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
someone owes me an orgasm
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
