I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
