Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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