so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
