ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
