Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How's work?
Spinning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
