Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
