I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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