I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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