Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
