the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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