I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
