ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
