Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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