Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
