And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
