"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
