at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize