I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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