We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
