only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
