I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
