thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
