Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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