We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
