Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
