There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
