At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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