Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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