How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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