she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
