If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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