Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
