My friends, they love my intelligence
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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