That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
