The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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