So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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