I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
third nipple confirmed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
