There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
