Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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